NIAW 2016

As we come to the end of National Infertility Awareness Week I felt pulled to write another blog post. I have a strong pull to share with my friends, family and even strangers the truth behind infertility.  One in eight couples will deal with infertility.  It can be so very scary and lonely. It is a rollercoaster of emotions. It will test your relationship with your partner, friends and family. Unless you have experienced it, you cannot fully understand the emotional pain that comes with infertility. Over the past year I have spoken with several women who reached out to me about infertility. I have been lucky to follow and support them through their journeys. I have seen a couple adopt, another couple conceive through IVF, and several who are still on the journey to parenthood. I wish more than anything that nobody had to experience the heartache that comes with infertility.

I wish that insurance would help cover the cost of treatments. The expense can be so large that many couples are unable to spend the money. I have heard stories of couples missing mortgage payments because they are trying to pay for their treatments. It is truly heartbreaking. Currently only 15 states have laws requiring insurance coverage for infertility treatment. This number needs to grow! But it will not grow if we continue to act like infertility is something that doesn’t exist.

I have been asked all sorts of interesting/odd questions over the past year. I think the one that angered me the most was when I was asked if I felt like I was playing God by doing IVF. My response to that is NO. I truly believe Nolan and Payton are gifts from God. If it wasn’t for him I would not have them. He gave doctors the knowledge to figure out how to help couples like us. He was there every step of the way. I may not understand why He picked us but I do know He was involved the entire way. I truly believe if he did not want me to have Nolan and Payton I would not have had them.

I have also been asked why we didn’t “just adopt.” I don’t have a great answer for that except “just” adopt is not as easy as some people feel it is. There is also a large cost that can come with adoption and it is its own emotional journey. When we transferred our final two embryos we had already identified an adoption attorney and we were prepared to go down that path. I have seen some amazing families who have been formed through adoption so I do know had we not had Nolan and Payton we would have taken that path.

I just ask all my friends and family to continue to remember that not everyone gets pregnant over night. You probably know someone who is on the infertility journey so don’t just assume they don’t want kids or are not trying. If they open up to you, be there to support them but understand that it may be very painful for them. I know I pretty much shut off the world for awhile. In hindsight, I know that was probably not the healthiest or best thing to do but it was how I coped at the time. Also, remember that couples may have been able to conceive on their own the first time but struggle with what is called secondary infertility.

Lastly, I ask for you to pray for those in pain. If you have kiddos hug them a little tighter and longer today. Don’t take a single day for granted. Let’s love each other, show compassion and make this a better place for the future generations to live.

Mark and I are one of the lucky couples who made it through infertility to parenthood. When I shared our story a year ago I was not looking for sympathy or attention, I wanted to spread the word that infertility is something real. I never want another woman or couple to suffer in silence. I felt so blessed that others felt they could share their journeys with me and there is not a day that goes by that I do not pray for those who have reached out to me as well as the millions of others dealing with infertility.

Here is the very first picture that was ever taken of Nolan and Payton! It is amazing this is what they looked like under a microscope at just 5 days. You can’t tell me God didn’t have a hand in this!